


Exhibit T

by bluejorts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Exhibitionism, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Semi-Public Semi-Sex, Semi-Public Sex, gratuitous description of taakos ears, mlm author, or stone sex lmao, this is my first taz fic and im welcoming myself into this w a bang, yes i made that fucking joke dont u stop me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejorts/pseuds/bluejorts
Summary: Taako has a kink, I have no such excuse.





	Exhibit T

**Author's Note:**

> hi my names cecil welcome to my first taz fic im here to ruin everything (please comment telling me what i fucked up lmao)

Taako was very used to being on the road. He’d spent most of his life travelling with people he did not trust, so he knew how to keep things secret if he wanted to; knew how to minimise noise and movement during any activity (it was especially useful since he wasn’t the best at quick thinking). 

 

Basically, he was  _ incredibly  _ good at getting off while adventuring. 

 

And possibly (probably) as a result of this he had the slightest bit of a kink. Well, actually, a whole bunch of a kink. Like, a kink the size of Magnus’ ass (which is to say, huge). Call it exhibitionism, call it voyeurism, fuck, call it Sue for all it mattered. It was a big ol’ kink of his. And Taako was not one to hide these things. 

 

He was an elf who knew what he liked, and would get that if he was allowed. 

 

And what he liked was Kravitz in any place and any way he could have him, which he was hoping to the furthest planes that he was allowed.

 

“So what you're saying is you want to bang me in front of people?” It was midday on the moon and Taako had gotten bored with training. He'd called Kravitz for a chat (read: to flirt mercilessly with him and play bingo with himself over his reactions, he almost got a line at one point, all he needed was ‘do that thing where he tries to distract me by doing an atrocious accent’) and the conversation had spiralled into when Death could pay his partner a visit. 

 

“No, what I'm saying is I wanna be fucked anywhere I like, any time I like.” He purred, crossing and uncrossing his ankles.  

 

He heard Kravitz’s gulp, and grinned. That was the beautiful sound of someone being introduced to their new kink. His ears rose to almost flush with the sides of his head.

 

“Well that, uh, yep.” 

 

“You like the sound of that handsome?”  

 

“Yup. Mhm.” 

 

Taako’s grin was devilish, the cat who’d just got the cream (Kravitz’s cream, but only metaphorically, physically would just have to wait). “What you up to right now?” 

 

“Filing paperwork.” 

 

“Mhmm, and what would you do if I was there?”

 

Kravitz barked a laugh, it was as deeply attractive as everything else about him. “File your paperwork and tell you I was annoyed at you for dying.” 

 

“Come onnn, that's not sexy, hombre!” 

 

“Oh I'm so sorry  _ dearest _ . What would you rather I do.” 

 

“Oh I'm not sure sweet cheeks, maybe let you punish me for dying? Maybe bend over that desk you have and let you give me a real good -”

 

And that was, of  _ fucking  _ course, when Merle blundered in. Taako’s eyes rolled around in their sockets to find the cleric sauntering around  _ Taako’s  _ space in search of something.

 

“You mind knocking next time pal?” Taako groaned, ears flopping in irritation. “I could have been beating my meat for all you know!” (The important fact that meat could be ground surfaced).

 

Merle grimaced, tongue flying out. “Eww, my room is just next door! Don't be getting ya little elfy dick out that close to me.” 

 

“First of all: racist. Second of all: I do what I want in my zone pal.” Merle stuck a stubby finger up at him, scooped up some kind of jarred salve, and hurried out of the room. “And I've seen you try to fuck a plant old man!” He yelled to him, then after a second: “And Lucretia is a  _ lesbian _ !” 

 

He reached for his stone of far-speech and held it back slightly from his ear. Kravitz was giggling, and it still sounded sexy as hell, Gods damn. 

 

“Right, where were we?” 

 

“Well, you were trying to convince me to, uh, beat my meat? At work?” 

 

Taako’s ears flicked down and his eyebrows made up a lot of the top of his eyeline. “How many magic missiles does it take to kill a dwarf.” He grumbled.

 

Kravitz’s laugh was quick and loud again. “Oh no sweetheart, don't you go blaming him for this one. You're the one that yelled it.”

 

Taako grumbled some more. 

 

“Alright beautiful. You wanna get back to the conversation before that then?” 

 

Taako’s ears fluttered. “Please.” 

 

Kravitz hummed. “You're so easy to distract, oh my life.”

 

“Zippo with the ironic speak baby, Taako’s thirsty.”

 

“Really? I couldn't tell.” 

 

“Do I have to die for you to even talk about fucking me?” He whined, wriggling so his head hung off the edge of the bed, throwing his arm over his forehead in the most ‘woe is me’ position. It didn't matter that Kravitz wasn't there to see, Taako spoke with his body even when he didn't need to.

 

“I'd really rather you didn’t.” 

 

“Well what would you do if I did?”

 

“I'm pretty sure we ran through this already Taako.” 

 

Taako whined. “I know, but I was trying to get back to you bending me over your desk and punishing me.” 

 

“Well how about we just skip to that.” There was an edge to his voice now, sharp enough to cut through Taako’s underwear. 

 

“Mhmm. That's what I'm getting at my man.”

 

“Your man? I think, that if you're being punished, you should be calling me a little bit more than your  _ man _ .” 

 

Taako shivered, his ears were flush with his head and pointing skyward (technically in this position floorward, and on that topic he should probably move). He sat more comfortably on his bed and flicked his braid over the headboard to get it out of the way. “I'm so sorry  _ sir _ .” 

 

Kravitz’s reaction was an audible shiver (and Taako’s response to that was a non-audible grin). “That's more like it. You're being so good Taako. Maybe I don't have to punish you.”

 

“No but I've been naughty sir.”

 

“Naughty?” A suppressed giggle.

 

“Don't ruin this, dickpringle.” 

 

An actual giggle. “Am I ruining your boner baby?” Kravitz teased.

 

“You're ruining your chances of getting to relieve stress at work, bucko.”

 

“Mm well, I don't think so.” Kravitz hummed, nonchalant. “See, I could just hang up this stone right now and get off alone. Thinking of fucking you over this desk, but without the fun of telling you how I’m imagining you.” 

 

Taako fucking  _ whimpered _ . “Fuck, no, I'll stop sassing sir.” 

 

“Good boy. What are you wearing beautiful?” Kravitz’s voice was silk running over his dick.

 

“Well I could be wearing nothing if you give me a minute?” Taako offered, physically biting his tongue to stop an additional few words.

 

“No, no. I want you to tell me. I want to know what I need to take off and what would look hot left on. I need to make sure you look presentable when you leave too, can't have everyone knowing how good you've been fucked, they all might want a piece of this.”

 

Taako snorted and assessed his outfit, he hadn't exactly dressed for sex, but his brain was too scrambled to think of a sexier outfit. “Well, uh. I'm wearing a skirt.” 

 

“Which skirt? Have I seen you in it before?” 

 

Taako snorted again which he was sure was  _ incredibly  _ sexy. “I only own like, three skirts.” He only wore them when it was too hot for trousers (which was very rare on the moon).

 

“And which one is it?” 

 

“The green one.” It wasn't anything special, it was long and flowy and easy to do magic in.

 

“Your ass looks great in that one.” Kravitz’s grin was audible.

 

“Mhm. You been looking at my ass a lot sir?” 

 

“Oh come on, you know I have. Every time we go on a date and you end up walking in front of me it's - fuck it's so tempting. Sometimes I just wanna fuck you then and there.” 

 

Taako didn't know if that was the truth or Kravitz’s brain getting into the kink and quite frankly he didn't care, because it was extremely fucking hot. “Fuck well, you know you could.”

 

Kravitz groaned, Taako heard rustling fabric and was ninety percent sure he’d just got his dick out. In his  _ office _ , fuck. “Mm, I do now. What else are you wearing, gorgeous?” 

 

Taako swallowed, “Well, brown leggings and -” Should he tell him? Or was it too sappy?

 

“And?” 

 

“Your shirt. The one you left here the other day.” He distracted from his embarrassment by pulling his leggings down. He didn't like to show his weaknesses, how much he let himself get attached to people. It always ended up being used against him. But anyway. 

 

“My - fuck Taako.” Kravitz moaned. Taako’s dick was rising like a flag by the second now uncovered by the leggings and he hadn't even touched himself yet. “You're getting off in my shirt?” 

 

“Correctomundo.” Taako chuckled nervously, tucking a stray strand of curly hair behind his ears, which were now flared in embarrassment. 

 

“Fuck-k Taako. Even when you're being a dork like that you're so hot.” 

 

Taako gave in to the heartbeat throb of his dick, slid his hand up his thigh where he’d hiked his skirt up to pull the leggings down. His underwear was the furthest thing from sexy, practical boxers; the kind with a slit down the front. He slipped himself out of the hole and teased at the head of his cock.

 

“M, I’m sure. So anyway. Now that you know my threads, how’s about that fuck?”

 

Kravitz laughed again (Taako would never say, but his favourite thing about sex with him was the fact that it was all a game up until someone had a dick in their ass or their mouth, and then it became a fucking holy experience) “Well lets see. How do I want you. I'm thinking you take those leggings off and bend over my desk nice and quick.”

 

“M fuck, yeah. That sounds - please.” His hand sank down on his cock and pumped slowly. 

 

“Gonna leave that skirt on you though baby, pull it up so I can see that pretty ass.” 

 

Taako moaned in agreement. The idea of being bent over a desk fully dressed, just his ass out for Kravitz to pay attention to was fucking magic. “What about your shirt sir?” 

 

“Oh I'm leaving that on you. Maybe pull it up so I can kiss your back.” Kravitz must have let the stone hang against his chest because all Taako heard for a moment was the rustle of fabric. He heard a belt and now Kravitz  _ definitely had his dick out in his office fuck _ .

 

The rustling went away and Taako waited a moment. “So, do you uh, was that -?”

 

“Me taking my pants off at my desk? Yes.” 

 

Taako nodded to himself, a moan that was not much more than a soft noise carried out on his breath. “You sound so casual about that sir.”

 

“Yeah? Maybe you should imagine me doing that behind you.”

 

Taako’s next moan was a whole lot more than soft. “Fuck. Yes sir..” 

 

“Imagine me stroking my cock behind you.” 

 

“Fuck, m, I have an idea sir.” Taako‘s hips pushed into his hand, cock dripping. “Maybe you should finger me.” 

 

Kravitz laughed. “I'm getting there, impatient.” 

 

“Desperate.” Taako corrected with a smile. 

 

“Mhm. Desperate for my cock?” 

 

“No, desperate for Fantasy Big Bang Theory to end - of course for your cock.”

 

“Being snarky now are we Taako?” Taako’s teasing smirk was pulled away by his teeth at his lip. “Maybe I should just jerk off behind you. Stroke myself ‘til I come all over your back.”

 

“Fuck, no. I'll be good sir.” 

 

“Good. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Getting off behind you, so close my hand would brush your skin.” 

 

“I’ll  _ definitely  _ be good, fuck. Do whatever you want.” 

 

Kravitz was silent for a second, and Taako could pick up the sound of fabric brushing against itself. He held a moan back with his tongue and let his hand move faster.

 

“I wouldn’t finger you just yet. I have a better idea.”

 

“Pray tell.” 

 

“I want you to spread your legs. Imagine me rubbing my cock against your hole.”

 

Taako was, moans stopped him from vocalising it. He bucked his hip into his hand.

 

“I want to rut against you.” Kravitz sounded breathless, his sentence was punctuated by small hot noises. “My cock running along the crack of your ass.”

 

“‘S a pretty damn long winded way to say asscrack.” Taako groaned. He really wasn’t going to take long, not with Death moaning in his ear the way he was. 

 

Kravitz laughed. “Shut up or I’ll fuck you dry.” He threatened. 

 

Taako gasped (loudly), sparks ran through him, heart to dick, he shoved his ass back into the mattress as if seeking Kravitz’s cock. 

 

“You that desperate handsome?” 

 

“What do you think, fuck.”

 

“If you don’t stop backchatting me I might have to gag you.”

 

“Oh but this is the fun of stone sex.” Taako whined. “I want you to hear every moan I make.”

 

“M fuck. I want to hear them Taako, fuck. I want to finger you.”

 

“Maybe you should just get straight to fucking me.”

 

Kravitz groaned, conflict colouring the noise. “Fuc-k okay. I really, really want to fuck you.” 

 

“Please.” Taako’s hand sped, friction on his cock and his ass pressed down. 

 

“Wanna push my cock into you, deep into that pretty ass of yours.” 

 

“Fuck please Kravitz. Fuck me, Gods fuck me.”

 

“You want me to fuck you fast?”

 

“Yes, fuck.”

 

“Ask properly.” He sounded like he was smirking but Taako was too fucking close to sass him.

 

“Fuck me sir. Fuck me hard and fuck me fast.”

 

“I will Taako. Fuck you hard like you deserve.”

 

Taako bit back a yell, “Fuck. You gonna come there Kravitz? Come thinking of fucking me at your desk.”

 

“Might - fuck. Yes Taako. Wanna come in you.”

 

“Please. Come for me Kravitz - sir please come for me.” 

 

Kravitz whined, Taako’s name slipping from his lips again and again and pushing Taako to come. It fell on his chest, warm and heavy and soaking into his shirt. He didn’t even realise he was whispering into the stone pressed to his lips. Kravitz’s name. He took a shaky gasp and lifted it back to his ear. Kravitz was breathing heavily but otherwise silent. Taako listened to the breaths, which he knew he didn’t need to take, until he got antsy about the lack of talking. 

 

“So, how was that handsome?” He purred.

 

“Fuck, Taako.”

 

“You just did.” 

 

“Goof.”

 

Taako hummed. “I’m afraid your shirt’s gonna need a wash my fella.”

 

“Oh I’m sure it does.” Kravitz laughed. He was lucky, he was dead and apparently dead men don’t come. 

 

“We should do this more often.” 

 

“That we should.”

 

The pounding of fists on the door ruined the atmosphere, and Magnus yelling for him to come for food took any warm feelings Taako had in his stomach and smashed them into the ground.

 

“And how many magic missiles to kill a human.” He growled. His ears, which had been stretched up and out in pleasure, fell down flush to his jaw. 

 

“I suppose that means you have to go?”

 

“Ten points to you, I need to kill some fools”

 

“Goodbye Taako.”

 

“Bye Krav.” 

 

The stone went silent and Taako smiled for a second, then got up, wasted time casting prestidigitation to clean the shirt (sue him, he liked wearing it, not just because it smelled of Kravitz but because it was soft too) and left the room looking like he hadn’t just had stone sex with the Grim Reaper.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i reread this and please God dont read it in kravs canon voice bc it might make you feel a little icky bc brothers sorry


End file.
